Marooned
by blufox
Summary: [RuSen] [EDITED][Chapter One UP] Emotions? Rukawa Kaede was never acquainted to those fuzzy feelings until..
1. Prologue

**------------**

**Marooned**

**------------**

**PROLOGUE **

** pack pack pack **

"I'm sorry" _he murmured_.

_I can't quite hear though. _

_I wanted to know why he was apologizing. What has he done wrong? _

_I wanted to know—but I was too scared to listen. _

"You know, for the mess I've done. I know I had been a pain in the ass this past few days..hehehe" _He continued trying to make everything sound so casual._

_I didn't know that I said something until I hear myself saying_:

"Tss..Got used to it"

_It was weird. I wanted to know what was wrong. _

_I wanted to—but my ears won't accept his words. _

"Really..hehehehe..Gomen..Uhmmm.. Oh..yeah... I'm leaving pretty soon you know."

_That's when I realized that everything's over. _

_My mouth has betrayed me once more. _

_Words won't come out of it. _

"Well..won't you say anything then?.. "

_I can see how anxious he was, _

_I can see how odd everything has turned out to be _

_But I couldn't do anything—I did nothing. _

"Hey, don't make things hard for me young man."

_I can see how desperate he was to put the words out of my mouth… _

_… and so I did. _

"I'm not making things hard for you. I'm not even doing anything to you at all"

"...Yeah..you're right..Gomen ne.. uhmmm..it's pretty late, it's not safe for you to walk home alone..so--"

"I can manage. Ja ne"

"Kae--"

"I said I can manage. Go home now. Just..drop me a message when you get home.."

_Don't act so damn concerned when you're actually not. _

* * *

/I'm leaving pretty soon you know/

_Fuck you Akira. Fuck you_.

** ring ring ring **

"Moshi Moshi"

"Kaede?"

"Do'aho"

"Hehehe..Just making sure it was you."

_Stop making things hard for me...don't act as if everything's okay now that you're leaving... _

"Ja--"

"Matte-- You still there?"

"No...I'm gone"

"Stop it with your sarcasm Kaede.."

"You done speaking?"

"Why are you so in a hurry? You'd later miss my voice when I'm gone. Cease the moment Kaede"

"Tss.. Whatever"

"This is just so much like you Kaede. I'd miss that"

_Don't start the farewells Akira. _

"What do you expect?"

"Why are you so mad? Did I do something to upset you?"

_Stop acting so innocent Sendoh Akira_.

"Do you have anything more to say?"

"Kaede. Are you mad at me?"

"…"

"Kaede.."

"Ja."

** click **

* * *

11:45 p.m.

One hour and forty-five minutes had passed since that phone call. I can't believe I'm still thinking of him right now. He'd be leaving pretty soon. I must get used to the scene of him not around. I can live without him! Sooner or later I'd forget him. It really doesn't matter. I—

_Shit. The phone's ringing. Could it be him? _

** ring ring ring **

"You're still awake then.."

"Can't sleep"

_I knew it was you. _

"Me too."

_I wonder why _

"Oh."

"You still mad? Gomen"

"For what?"

"For making you feel bad—whatever the reason is."

_Once again—my words have betrayed me. _

"...I guess you're still pissed right now. Sorry for disturbing your sleep..Ja--"

_He can't go. I should say something damnit! _

"No. Stay"

"You sure?"

"...hai"

"Would you mind telling me what's bothering you?"

"Do..you really have to go?"

"...is that the reason why you're so bothered?"

"...will you answer it or do I have to put down the phone again?"

"Stop being so hot, Kaede. You see, I got this scholarship in America and it'd be a waste if I wouldn't be using it. I really did my best to get that scholarship. I mean, it's not like an everyday opportunity. It's in fact a once in a life time experience...so..."

"...I get it."

_But I can't accept it. _

"...Aki?"

"Hai?"

"If I'd ask you to stay...would you stay?"

_Please say yes! _

_Damnit! He's not answering! Say yes Akira! Say Yes! _

"Would you?"

"Kaede...it's not as if we're not gonna see each other anymore"

_Fuck. _

"So..that's your answer then.."

"No..that's not wha---"

_No more Akira. _

_I don't want to listen—it would just hurt me more. _

"I'm getting sleepy..Ja ne"

"Kae--"

** click **

* * *

I should stop being a jerk… but heck, I can't help it. I don't want him to leave with our relationship going like 'this' but--- I can't make things go back to how it used to be. I don't think I'd be able to look at his eyes without showing a slight tinge of longing. I'd just make things hard for him and hard for me as well.

Crap.

_I have to call him. I feel guilty. _

** ring ring ring **

_Answer the phone damnit._

"Moshi moshi"

"…"

"Kaede, is that you"

_Shit. How did he know?_

"Uh.. hai. I can't---"

"sleep? Haha. That's so unusual for someone like you."

"…"

"Kaede, I really don't want to cut our conversation but I really have to go"

_Why can't you at least spend your last moments with me._

"Hey, Kaede, don't tell me you're mad again…"

"…"

"Hey, I'm sorry, it's just that I really have to sleep, there's a practice game tomorrow and I don't want Coach Taoka to yell at me again. Haha. Uhhmm— I won't be staying long in Ryonan High so--- I really want to make my last days perfect"

"…"

"Kaede… please, stop giving me a cold shoulder."

"Don't see me after school."

"Hey, Kaede, are you mad?"

"No."

"Then would you tell me the reason why you don't want to see me after school?"

"I just don't --- want to see you anymore"

"HEY! That was a bit harsh. Hmp."

"…"

"Don't tell me you're serious"

"I am."

"Shit Kaede, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Whatever. Don't mind me. Just sleep. Ja."

"NO! I can't sleep---- now that you're acting like this"

"Fine. Then I'd sleep. Ja."

"Kaede. Stop acting like a child."

"Am not"

"Does this have something to do with my departure?"

"This has absolutely no relation to that."

"Then tell me, why?"

"I need to go. Ja."

"I'd kill myself if you put down the phone"

"Soothe yourself, 'ahou"

"Kaede.."

"You have to sleep now or else Coach Tao--"

"Don't repeat what I just said a while ago."

"…"

"So you're not gonna talk again?"

"…"

"Kaede--- please stop acting like that."

"…"

"Fine."

"What? Can I put down the phone now?"

"I'm not going to America anymore."

"Huh?"

"I know that you're acting like this because of that… I really don't want to leave like---"

"I said, this has absolutely nothing to do with your departure"

"Kaede---"

"Stop acting as if you know me, cause you absolutely DON'T"

"I really don't wanna argue with you right now."

"… just leave."

"Why?"

"Leave as soon as possible. No why's. No but's. Just leave. Bye—for good."

** click **

* * *

I immediately put down the phone and went to my desk. I opened the drawer pulled out a brown notebook and wrote down the heading:

_DAY ONE._

**

* * *

**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Marooned

**Pairing:** SenRu of course

**Summary:** Emotions? Rukawa Kaede was never acquainted to those fuzzy feelings—until…

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Slam Dunk

**A/N:** Man, it's been forever since I updated this fic. This story's quite a mess, so I had to edit the Prologue and try to put sense out of it **and** tried I say that again, **tried** to fix the conversation part to make it clearer. Do read it again and review to that chapter if you want. But please, oh please review on this one. College is killing me, and so is the weather. I know we're all busy, but let's still keep the SenRu lovin' alive.

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**Marooned: Chapter One**

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I sighed out of stress and closed my eyes. It's3:00 in the morning and I was still up, which is of course a not so normal thing to happen. Somehow, I feel regretful for mouthing harsh words to Akira, but being closer to him during his last days wouldn't do us any good; wouldn't do me any good.

With each day we spend playing one on ones, I fall deeper and deeper in to him. With every drop of sweat that falls off his face after our games, I learn to like him more. It was scaring me, and it still is. It has become more of an obsession—a fearful obsession. Thinking about what just happened a while ago, makes me look like a jerk for standing against his dreams. It was just a bad timing. Sooner or later, I would have to leave him too, it just so happened that the act of him leaving me behind didn't include my options.

Falling deeper to someone like him is scary. It freaks the hell out of me. I hate associating every damn thing to him. I hate making every move just to fit him in the conversation; just to hear his name; just to hear more stories about him. I hated it. I loathed it. I wanted to break free, but I couldn't. I was too hooked up.

But this event came…

And now that I have the opportunity to break free and run away from all these emotions…

I ended up spoiling it.

I let out another sigh and went towards my desk table. Now that I couldn't bring myself to sleep, what good will it bring me if I stay on top of my lifeless bed. I then opened my desk light and sat on the chair. Immediately, I was able to notice the picture beautifully framed on top of my desk. It was a picture of _us._

True enough, I wasn't smiling in the picture, but the way he smiled so widely as he held the big fish he caught down the lake was enough to lift the atmosphere of the whole picture up. In an uncharacteristic manner, I smiled and held the frame. Noticing how freaky my actions are, I immediately placed it back to where I got it; then I took a glance of a brown notebook—it was my journal.

I never had the chance to write something on it until today came. Or I can say yesterday since its 3:00 in the morning which makes it another happy shalala day for all the moronic assholes in this world. Man do I hate this place.

I **wanted** to die. I **needed** to die. I **have** to die.

Luckily, I'm dying. No one's aware of my illness, not even Akira. Since my family is all in America, they're not aware of it as well. I wouldn't want any of them to go back and take care of me as I see pity in their eyes. I don't want to be a burden.

Perhaps Akira's scholarship is a blessing in disguise. May be the gods loved me after all and didn't want me to die feeling bad by seeing Akira's eyes mirrored with pity. I'm dying and Akira's leaving me. Isn't that great? That's the best ending in the all the love stories ever created in mankind.

**/cough/cough/**

I've always wanted to go back to America—but Coach Anzai didn't let me. I'm not blaming him though. I believe that what he said was true and due to that, I was able to know Akira better. Without Anzai-sensei I wouldn't get to know Akira as much as I do now. But that's the end of it.

Being the jerk that I am, he's practically upset about what I did last night. After admitting that it was his fault when it was in fact mine, then putting down the receiver while he was still on the line, I bet he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I bet he's tired now.

And so am I.

This feeling, this obsession—it's breaking me apart. The deeper I fall, the more I lose control. I love him so damn much, but I have to let go. I'm hurting him. I'm hurting myself. I've become a monster. A monster trapped by his heart.

Now that Akira's going to America, my dreamland, then maybe all this insanity would finally end.

Maybe… just maybe.

I then closed my eyes and allowed it to rest for a while. When I opened it, I read 5:00 in the digital clock. The sun is about to rise and I'm about to go to school. So much for my rest.

I'd just sleep in the rooftop later. No matter how much my doctor tried to remind me that the sun is not good for me, he can't stop me from going there; the same way he can't stop me from playing basketball. It's my favorite place, next to the basketball court of course, and obviously, basketball is my life. I would rather die doing what I love than to live without it.

_So god, please help me to live without Akira._

**T.B.C.**

**A/N: **Will he die? Will he stay? Gotta read the next chapter to find out. But before that, you gotta review first.


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